Category Archives: Dumpster Fire
Real advice for desperate people: It’s not good advice – it’s just advice.
I asked a few of my Facebook followers to provide me with some questions & problems that they were in dire need of assistance with. I decided to share this advice with everybody so I never have to repeat anything again in the future.
Question: My wife and sister argue non-stop at every gathering we go too. We have to invite both of them or there will be even more drama. What can we do to get them to stop?
Answer: It really boils down to who do you like better? Do you like your wife or your sister? If the whole family takes a vote and decided who is more likable, the winner will be the one invited to all future family functions. The loser will be disowned. If you just want to disqualify somebody without a vote, just research to see if your sister is adopted and problem solved.
Question: My child is extremely addicted to their IPAD and I have no idea what to do.
Answer: Hide the IPAD in an undisclosed location while they are asleep. When your little angel wakes up and throws a bitch fit, spray them with a power washer. You might have to do this for several days until they get their attitude in check.
Question: I have serious road rage. I hate being cut off and I just get in a blind fury. Will drugs help me?
Answer: I’m sure drugs will help you and keep the roads safer. (But if you were that prick behind me this morning, laying on the horn, you can fuck off.)
Question: I am addicted to male porn but I am not gay. I’m ashamed to admit it but sausage parties turn me on.
Answer: You probably are gay with a serious porn addiction. I would not feel bad about it though because the world is filled with freak shows. If you just go ahead and announce on Facebook, everybody will know and be aware of it. The first few days, you will be mocked non stopped or defriended but after that, everybody will forget or not care. Good luck.
Shedder Simulator Games
Genre: Tearing shit up
Summary: Putting items in the shedder and watch it destroy things and make weird noises.
I have not played this because I feel like in 2 minutes; I will be bored to death. As I said in the summary, you just put various objects into a shedding machine. Judging by the picture, the developer offers a lot of things that you can just toss into the shredder even a bowling ball! (WOW) I seriously doubt they offer anything cool like a cucumber or human body parts. It looks like the graphics are sub-par at best but I’m sure the sound effects would be over the top amazing. I also read some of the best reviews for a game on here. Players were getting super detailed about how the items should drop down the shedder which I found fascinating that somebody would take the time out of their busy day to write that review.
Probably not but read the reviews.
Summary: You have an avatar in which you use to socialize with other people.
I thought this was a pretty decent game especially if you are into socializing with other human beings. I did not find the avatars all that great looking and noticed if you wanted to change your look, it would cost some money. At that point, I was just like “Fuck it,” I’ll be ugly. You do start out with an apartment which was unfurnished. I did somehow get a free unicorn and a dog but I am unsure how I did that. There seemed to be a ton of places to venture off too (Bars, parks, etc) and several events that were also going on. My first journey was at a bar because I wanted to know if my avatar could get drunk. I could not figure out how to order anything and then realized that probably cost cash too. So then, I went to a dog park. I left my dog at home though. Time was well spent at the park because I met my first friend, Martin. (He was wearing a ball gag but seemed very nice) He encouraged me to find a job after I explained to him that I needed a lot of cash to get drunk. I asked him what kind of jobs were available to a person of my quality. I told him my interests were stripping and coupon clipping. He said he would help me find my dream job. That was exciting news, I had a new friend and would soon be employed and making lots of cash. After our serious employment chat, I asked Martin to be my mail order bride. I had to log after that so hopefully, he says yes soon.
I would recommend this game because it is casual and relaxing. There was no goal to the game other than finding friends. My only real issue was camera movement and walking. This is a personal issue because I’m really bad at reading directions.
Dream Daddy – A Dad Dating Simulator
Genre: Roleplaying and complete & utter fantasy
Summary: A Dad Dating Simulator where you play a dad with daughter, who recently just moved into town. Of course, the first thing a dad wants to do is romance other hot dads!
I have not played this game and probably never will because this screams hot mess to me. I’m also not interested in unrealistic role-play no matter how cool the outfits are. Oddly, this game has a high rating too. It looks like you can build your dad with different looks and then meet random men at various locations. I’m assuming to hook up. The examples of dads (Picture below) does not appeal to me. We have what looks like a vampire, a frat boy and a dirty bike mechanic with an alcohol problem. Then beside him, it is says “Build that dad! With a picture of a guy that looks like he has moobs and shops at hot topic. It looks like the demographic for this game would be young gay / bi-sexual male gamers that love to date men with children. Which is not a wide marketing field there.
Since, I have never played it; I can only speculate how the game play would be. Here goes: Day one: Build your very own dad and dress him in a sexy outfit. (Polo shirt and hot pants) Day two: Meet another hot dad at the local biker bar where drinks are ½ price until 7 pm. After you had a few minutes of small talk and are well past drunk, you make out with other hot dad in the back alley. Day three: Hungover and bruised, you explained to your daughter how you use her as a prop to lure in other hot dads and that her mother is missing. (Boating accident, you believe) Day four: Two hot dads fight for your affection! One is an out of shape millionaire and the other is a poor Latino pool boy, who will you choose! I could go on forever with this but I won’t.
I cannot recommend this since I won’t even play it myself. Maybe if they could come out with another addition (part two), moms looking for mediocre men that aren’t complete fucks, I would play that.
IPAD Time Waster Games: Best Friends
Genre: Puzzles (See Pictures)
I like this game. It is well designed, thought provoking and engaging. It does spam the fuck out of you to buy extra content but with all the rewards and bonuses, you don’t actually need to spend a dime on the game. The main dislike to this game is in order to unlock some of the levels, you need to have other Facebook friends that play the game as well. I have not had that issue yet where I could not unlock a level but I could see that if you did not have Facebook, you would not get very far. It’s pretty annoying anyway that you need Facebook friends in order to play a game. I’m assuming that you would have to pay with your rewards or money to unlock those levels if you had no friends but I have not verified that. Some levels are easy and some levels are challenging with a mix of side quests, there is a good balance. You do have to strategize which I like a lot.
Only if you like puzzle games and have friends that play as well. I have yet to spend any money on it and have made it to level 157.
Airport Police Dog Duty Sim
Genre: No Idea
Summary: You are a police dog that fights crime and sniffs out drugs.
This is another game, I have not played because just the name of it is fucking retarded. Surely, they could have come up with a better name than “Airport Police Dog Duty Sim.” From the picture alone, it looks like the dog finds bad people and attacks them at airports. Which to be honest, it’s the best place to find bad people and it is the best place to watch somebody be attack by a dog. (Especially in the food court) It shows that you have several controls over the dog and can decide what path the dog will take. Will the dog sniff out drugs in luggage or somebody’s ass? You decide!
This does have a high rating despite the stupid name. I am still giving it a hard-pass because I’m not into dogs or butt sniffing. If they throw in some cavity searches, I may change my mind. If you are into dogs and airports then this might be the game for you.
I am adding a new section to this site. (See top menu) It is where I will be posting my reviews and other bs at. I have two sections so far: Netflix Reviews and IPAD Time Waster Games. I will be adding more to this section fairly often in the next coming weeks as most of it is already written. (about 100 lolz.) Categories to come are: YouTube Melts My Mind – which will be a mixture of videos/people I like and other things that I’m sure somebody was on acid when they made it. I know this isn’t really an interactive site but if you wanted to contact me with a category, you would like me to toss in the mix – I sure would like to hear from you. See contact form below.
I suppose I should have a disclaimer so some hipster doesn’t get up in my shit. My quote aka disclaimer: “My opinion and advice is shit at best. Please, lower your expectations and do not believe at any point in time now or in the future will I provide valuable reading material. Thank you.” end quote / disclaimer.
What I have posted so far:
IPAD Time Waster Games: