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Second Life: Some weird shit over there

Surviving Second Life with some pro tips thrown in.

(Written with the help of my friend, Gigi)

Second Life has been a social game that’s been around for over a decade now.  There’s not much point to it.  There is no end game.  It’s just a place where people can socialize in a virtual realm.  It’s a place where I have met many friends and a few fuck wits.  It is still a place where I will log into for a chat and have a nice relax.  Like all games, if you can call it that, there are rules.  So here is a very loose guide for surviving Second Life.

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Appearance matters.  If you look like a noob, you are treated like one.  This is completely shitty but true.

Avoid “Breedables.”   They cause lag and suck the linden out of your wallet.  On an off note, you can’t see them breed.

Singing in a Karaoke contest does not make you a professional singer in Second Life.

Never cam or send real life pictures.  You never know what porn site they might end up on.

Meeting people in real life is going to be a disaster 90% of the time, unless you know them for over 4 years and even then, they may end up being a racist redneck from Jersey.

Most female avatars are male.  Very few females are male avatars.

Second Life is overrun with narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths and a few borderlines.  All the gaslighting can be exhausting.

Ghosting is a thing and a lot of the Second Life population is dying of cancer.

If somebody asks you to pose on the ball, say no.  They just want to ass rape you.

Nobody in Second life is ugly in Real life.

There are modeling classes in Second Life.  Passing this course, does not actually make you a model in SL.

AFK hookers are a profession in Second Life.

Never give out your password to anybody.  (Not even the love of your life in SL)

Very few Second Life relationships last longer than a month.

If you are going to “disappear” and “reappear” as an alt, don’t hang out at the same locations as before and try to pick up the same women.  We know who you are, dipshit.

Gachas will ruin your life.

Don’t put your home landmark in your profile.  People will stalk and put tracking devices there.  (Welcome)

Flexi is not sexy.  Neither is white hair with bad tans and 80’s eagle tattoos.

Don’t be too judge-y in SL, even with the people wearing cow utters carrying a milking machine.

People will judge you.

Free stuff isn’t always good.

Organize your inventory and label those fucking folders.

Second Life is filled with perversion and some nice music.

Everybody has alts and sometimes, they are dual logged.

If you want people to speak with you, then keep your dick in your pants.

Make your dick size realistic if you do need to have it hanging out.

Chat hubs are a cesspool of stupidity and will melt your mind.

Being an SL designer requires hard work….repeat….HARD WORK.  It is not easy, and you will not be rich.

Use the Firestorm viewer. (Welcome)

Make your crosshairs private.

Learn to cam.  It will help you shop in a place with tons of lag.

If you went the extra mile and bought a mesh body, match the neck to the head.  I can’t take it anymore.

If you go to a club, it is not a rule that you have to play a gesture constantly.

Don’t beg for Linden and do not give money to beggars.

Most Dom’s are subs.

If you must meet somebody in real Life after knowing them in Second Life, be sure to ask them their penis size.  There is such a thing as being too big.

Sometimes, your ex boyfriends turn out to be secret furries.

Women will send you stolen pictures / fake nudes.  Just quit asking for them.  Match the hands / face/ breasts/ to all the pictures dumbass.

Don’t log off naked.

There will be times when you will somebody literally screwing anything.   Just turn away.

You don’t have to voice verify with anybody.  They just want to hear your sweet angel voice to jerk off to.

If you are going to combat in SL, realize there is lag because SL is not built to handle combat.  So you do not need to say every few mins “Why is there so much lag.”

Hope this all helps.  ❤

 

Dear Veruca

I’m adding a new section to this site.  I feel that there is so many people in Second life that really need my mediocre advice.  So I am here for you.  Over this past week, I have received a few questions and I spent some time at my real life job preparing the answers instead of actually working.   If you have a question for me – Please, send a note card to: Veruca Vandyke

Q: My boyfriend wants to be a furry and I don’t know what to do.

A: I really feel for you receiving this tragic news.  Your boyfriend was a human Second Life avie one minute and in the next moment; he turned into something hairy and flea infested.  It must be a very confusing time for you.  This is a pivotal moment where you need to decide how much you actually like him?  Is he charming enough to carry though a few more weeks of your serious second life relationship before his real-life wife catches him?  Can he still emote like a human instead of a dog?  Are you even a pet lover? If the pros outweigh the con’s; then I would proceed with your relationship.  Maybe a good way to cope is to buy him a collar and take him for walks.

Q: I find it very off putting but when I’m heavy petting my girlfriend in SL. She will not remove her shoes?  Is this normal?

A: I understand your pain here.  It takes a lot of energy to convince somebody to sit on a pose ball and then to furiously type out your romantic intentions only to realize they are too lazy to take off their shoes.  It’s a rude awakening.  I’m afraid there is no subtle way to tell anybody without them getting offended.  Believe me, I have tried many, many ways. I have tried emoting, for example “/me takes off his shoes and tosses the heavy boots out the window. She watches the dog gnaw on them for a bit. She smiles and then proceeds to drape her body over his; whispering lowly in his ear on how their second life love will be eternal. “  I have also created a square prim over their feet but was accused of being insensitive.  So really, there is no win-win. You can either close your eyes as you type out your emote or just find somebody that understands your way of life.

Q: My friend looks like a noob and it’s embarrassing.  How do I tell them?

A: I think we all have that noob-ish friend that just won’t update their shit but help is here. Always trap them into a corner while carefully selecting your words.  Start out with something that will help them maintain their dignity, humanity or whatever ailment that they have and foremost, be respectful!  I look into their scared system eyes and say “Hey insert name, I like you.  You are a good person with a big caring heart but I wanted to mention that some people are comparing your style to desperate chat hub molesters.  Not me, of course, other people with damning evil souls.  Let’s go update you to mesh.”  It can be really that easy.

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