Real advice for desperate people: It’s not good advice – it’s just advice.

I asked a few of my Facebook followers to provide me with some questions & problems that they were in dire need of assistance with.  I decided to share this advice with everybody so I never have to repeat anything again in the future.

Question:   My wife and sister argue non-stop at every gathering we go too.  We have to invite both of them or there will be even more drama.  What can we do to get them to stop?

Answer:  It really boils down to who do you like better?  Do you like your wife or your sister?  If the whole family takes a vote and decided who is more likable, the winner will be the one invited to all future family functions.   The loser will be disowned.  If you just want to disqualify somebody without a vote, just research to see if your sister is adopted and problem solved.

Question:  My child is extremely addicted to their IPAD and I have no idea what to do.

Answer: Hide the IPAD in an undisclosed location while they are asleep.  When your little angel wakes up and throws a bitch fit, spray them with a power washer.  You might have to do this for several days until they get their attitude in check.

Question:  I have serious road rage.  I hate being cut off and I just get in a blind fury.  Will drugs help me?

Answer:  I’m sure drugs will help you and keep the roads safer.  (But if  you were that prick behind me this morning, laying on the horn, you can fuck off.)

Question:  I am addicted to male porn but I am not gay.  I’m ashamed to admit it but sausage parties turn me on.

Answer:  You probably are gay with a serious porn addiction.  I would not feel bad about it though because the world is filled with freak shows. If you just go ahead and announce on Facebook, everybody will know and be aware of it. The first few days, you will be mocked non stopped or defriended but after that, everybody will forget or not care. Good luck.